People Like Being Around the Wise and not the Victim

March 1st, 2010

I once heard a saying, “Wisdom is when you run out of personal options.”  After hearing this saying, I have found it to be a useful way to pacify myself when I am experiencing adversity.  More than now, I used to have a “you did it to me” mentality, choosing to be a victim rather than a person who just experienced a life situation.  Don’t get me wrong—I still act victimized at times, but as I have grown older, I tend to react to adversity differently.  Today, my mindset says, “This was done for me. What is the lesson, and how can I use it to move forward?”  Though a tough mindset to have, it has helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life.  I have learned that wisdom is a mindset without victims!  

As I have aged, I look back at all the situations where I have exhausted all my personal options and how my ingenuity, creativity and dogged perseverance create the wisdom package I carry today.  Maybe that is what all my gray hair is a testament to—the level of my personal wisdom!  And maybe each gray hair is a follicle trophy of a situation that I lived through and increased my personal wisdom.   I also admit, though, that each gray hair has come with a cost, and that some have even been quit painful.

Most of our life experiences are not from physical traumas like broken bones but rather from broken hearts and hurt feelings.  A broken heart or hurt feelings are all legitimate pains that we have.  After having been emotionally wounded, it is easy for our internal defenses to say, “This was done to me,” or “Why did they do that to me?”  Being a victim is the path of least resistance.   It is easy to be the victim, but it also gets in the way of becoming wise.  Consider this the next time something happens to you; don’t get stuck being a victim and thinking it was “done to me.”  Instead, shift your thinking to it was “done for me.”  Shifting your mindset in such a subtle way allows you to open yourself up to creating a greater breadth of personal wisdom.  People like being around the wise and not the victim.

How do you show up when you are around others?

Paul Lushin

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What a wonderful presentation today! So much positive feedback from our members! I will be working on the 2010 schedule of events next month and will get you scheduled.

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