August 11, 2010

Paul,

Two aspects of your comments stand out to me. First, we are trained from an early age to help the underdog. Second, most of us are basically conflict-averse. In general, neither tendency actually promotes positive change in business or in our society. In the animal kingdom, helping the underdog would counteract the process of evolution; and, animals that are too conflict-averse will either starve to death or fail to reproduce. Therefore, these tendencies have been selected against. Human society does just the opposite.

Your good intentions of helping the underdog are, in fact, perpetuating their problem. If, or when, these businesses fail, they will blame the marketplace, competition, regulation, etc. They will generally claim victim status rather than admit to their own shortcomings. Many people will feel sympathy for those who actually caused the problem. Moreover, society will likely bear part of the cost of the failure.

You, and the rest of us, can begin to affect a positive change by becoming less conflict-averse. Confront the employees of the problem business with your complaint. Tell them your expectations and how they can attain them. Give them the opportunity to correct things. Provide them with constructive criticism. Granted, you should not have to do this – it’s not your job. However, if they follow your advice and succeed, everyone will be better off – the owners, employees, other customers, and the marketplace as a whole. If they don’t follow it and fail, then “natural selection” worked and got rid of an “organism” unable to compete.

I am writing this because of the remarkable similarities between your observations and those I have made during the last two years, in which I have been embroiled in an extremely expensive and difficult divorce. We spoke briefly about this several months ago. All I want is equal treatment as a parent of my two children. Namely, equal time with them (joint physical custody) and an equal say in decisions (joint legal custody). This would seem simple in a country which purports to have the best system of justice in the world, equality, civil rights, and a Constitution with the 14th Amendment’s Equal Protection Clause. Such is not the case. Men are discriminated against, and advised to put up with it rather than confront “the system.” Women quickly learn how to play the “victim card” in order to get exactly what they want with the assistance of those who believe they are helping someone.

In a lengthy meeting with my lawyer today, I arrived at the somewhat difficult decision to fight the system because it is wrong. I deserve equal treatment as a father, and my children deserve my involvement. As the saying goes, “Evil prevails when good men do nothing.” I have taken on a pretty big conflict because I believe it matters. Most importantly, it is the right thing to do.

There are not enough people who both see the problems and are willing to do something about them. Nothing will ever get better unless those people do what they know is right. As a society and as consumers, perhaps we should be a little more like the animal kingdom. Let natural selection work when it has to. As individuals, we should do what we know is better for everyone, even when it is unpopular or difficult for us. The results will benefit us all.

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